Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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