yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
