I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you had me at cake vodka
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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