it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
