My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
