oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
