after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
