i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
