im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
