Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
