3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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