The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
