Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
