If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
