I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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