This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
