Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
