should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
