i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm at about main and main street
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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