Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
