Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
