I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
