I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
