Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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