i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
