Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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