Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
