worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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