he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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