**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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