Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we're making bets on your personal life
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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