You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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