he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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