I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
