just come out here and I will go home with you...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
