I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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