My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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