Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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