my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
