He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
