Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
