i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
