Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Where is the hickey?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
