guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
