this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
