Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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