why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Everclear isn't food dammit
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
try to milk me bitch
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