I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
