Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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