I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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