I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pants are for mortals
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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