"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
